Over the past week and a half, we've come up with a few nicknames for Lily, many of them involving a variation of the words "stinky" or "poopie". This is not without reason, though my favorite is "Daddy's Little Gravy Boat". Now that we're well past the black tar poopie phase, the word "mustard" tends to make its way into the adorable nicknames that we make up, coincidentally during diaper changing time. Aside from the names, I've already learned a ton about the diaper changing process. Here's my top 5.
- Little girls can pee on their face. It's true. A shocker to me, but my brother Tim can attest that girls can squirt their piss just as well and as far as boys. It surprised him so much that he literally screamed and ran away.
- A fart is never just a fart. I'm glad that this applies only to new humans. They always have at least a little substance that tags along. This leads to the next lesson.
- Stand to the side when changing a diaper. A fart shoots air at very high speeds though the rectum. A fart also shoots anything in its way at very high speeds through the rectum. Quick moving air can carry a good amount of matter a great distance across a room and can cover a wide area along a man's arm. This also applies to the shooting pee-pee water mentioned in lesson #1.
- It's all about timing. Wait a minimum of 2 minutes after the last audible or visual sign of poopage before attempting ot change a diaper. Once the diaper is off, beware that the baby may still want to continue the little disaster that they've started. So stand to the side and have a spare wipe ready to throw on the waste making station at all times.
- Baby's come equipped with the sense of vengence. If you stick a thermometer up a baby's ass, they WILL piss all over the hands that you are using to hold them up. And all over everything underneath it. I believe that they always have rations for unexpected situations such as rectum penetration attacks.
2 comments:
I can't stop laughing. I think the most important lessons relate to poop in some form. Unfortunately. And we each have to learn them one by one, on our own. Love to blog, and the title.
Very nice sir. I do remember nicknaming Nathan "Mr grabby poopy pants" so your nicknames definitely hit home.
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